hung out at home today, did my favourite thing again, and thats watching pastor’s sermon live on my teevee.
real awesome, theres little distraction, i can focus on the minister straight in the face, so theres no or not much struggling.
yes, theres a prb w my concentration, been this way since sec sch.
but this weakness, God can provide His grace to, and God can turn it into a strength.
By His Grace.
realised how impt it is to talk to yourself. whatever. just to keep yourself sane.
dvd sermons > books big time!
though i love the content in solid rock mags and some anointed joyce meyer books.
didnt go for cg. didnt even sleep a wink the night before, only managed to catch some winks in the morning after the sun had risen.
so had to postpone date with mich.
and skip cg. but turned out that i was still quite tense at home. where and when will i be able to fully relax.
but as i shut my eyes to rest, i really relished the hope i had of a better vision and future with myself.
k that sounds strange. but whtever.
sometimes really need to heck care everything else around you and just be kind to yourself.
YEA. time to get to know myself better, yeah?
and spend more time alone with Christ :)
had so many revelations and deliverances.
am a christian, not only by name, but cos im a part of Christ. its like an identity alr, you know?
deliverance from my wrong beliefs.
im not of the devil, nor is the devil my god. YUCKS no way man. ERRRRK.
but God loves me, and He shall protect me. (:
many others in the natural realm may not know me, cos i dont spend much time sharing with them, cos i dont think theyd even understand a thing, but i just recalled, that Jesus does. He understands ALL that im, that ive been through, my struggles, my failures, my disappointments, my circumstances, my life, my health, etc.
He made me, and He knew me before He formed me in my mother’s womb. (:
just now when i felt so bad for not attending cg, i sought Christ, wanting to know how he felt towards me. He didnt answer for a while, but then, later as i headed into the kitchen, He spoke to me to observe my mom.
and so, i did. And, i was so happy, cos my mom had NO rebuke, no condemnation towards me. she was really kind towards me instead. When she saw me, initially she was about to eat something, but then she immd stood up and went over to prepare my lunch for me. (: and she kindly told me that the plate of salmon was to be shared, and yah, ahha. then i knew, that as my mom, whos human, was so kind to me and so good to me, that’s just Christ’s response to me. though i failed. He is still so kind. :)
His nature is sooo good. JESUS! the name above all names. The alpha and the omega. the apple of God’s eye. unblemished and healthy. Peaceful and serene.
Holy and righteous. without blame. all these i am, in Christ. :)
He is LOVE. <3
and i remember how i felt SO LOVED, that feeling oh so tangible, as i shared how God was so good towards me, with my mom. maybe i should do this more often with the beloveds.
He placed friends around me whom He knew would brighten my days up, cheer me up, etc. i didnt have to source for them, He knew exactly whats best for me, and placed them there for me, lovingly. not to mention the entire locker of NEW and HIGH QUALITY art resources. WHOW..
and the folder of art information! that which i had missed out due to a flu in my sec yr.
HEHE and dermatologically tested chalks. :) yet i didnt use them -.-
could have just used them for alt drawing you know. alina ah alina. -.-
and how my parents chauffer me around and help me with errands when i was at my lowest. :)
who am i to deserve all of this?!
His beloved in Christ. :) Chosen, called, before time. :)
and if she didnt keep inviting me to cg, i wouldnt even think of overcoming this fear of meeting and socializing with people. so now, i wanna.
SO. back to the point.
i needta sleep earlier tonight!
wake up earlier tmr. sighz. still donno why
BUT oh yeah,
now i know.
live by Gods word. cos its true.
meditate and spend time reading up on JESUS.
love myself first
and when i thought negatively, i felt tense, (neg health cos a relaxed attitude is the health of the body ma). yet seconds before, when i was not thinking of anything negative, i was SO relaxed. okay, i wanna be RELAXED all of the time, Lord!!!
my promised land. and read and learn about His promises towards me! cos they are all yes and amen in Christ! Claim them!!! <3
